A BUZZARD EGG OMELET 2017

Why do we need a C in our alphabet?   You could easily replace it with a K and 90% of the words would sound the same.   For the few words where K won’t fit an S would work just fine.

And let’s drop the requirement for U to follow Q … qeen, qack, qake, qeer.  It would make Scrabble easier. 

Nobody ever lost money underestimating the intelligence of the American public.       P. T. Barnum

A child understands nothing, and clings to faith because it lacks knowledge.    Salman Rushdie 

I didn’t wash today.   I wasn’t dirty.  If I’m not dirty I don’t wash.   Some weeks I don’t have to shower at all.   I just groom my three basic areas: teeth, hair and ass hole.   To save time I use the same brush.

George Carlin

I would enjoy living in a sane asylum.

Hanlon’s Razor:  Never attribute to malice what can be adequately explained by stupidity.  

If all civilian ammo clips were limited to nine rounds the Orlando night club shooter would have had to reload 23 times.

A Texas sharp shooter:  You shoot a hole in the barn door and then draw a target around it.

You can never wade in the same river twice.

It is not that I am obstinate; but if I were to drown my wife would first search for me up stream.

If militia nuts want to carry and play army with assault weapons they should join the Marines and actually defend the Constitution of the United States - but most wouldn't make the intelligence cut.   

Why do vampire hunters always arrive at the crypt just as the sun is setting?

Americans are at the bottom of competency test in math and science when compared to other industrialized countries, which accounts for their willingness to buy into the most outrageous fallacious claims. 

Philip Ward 

EARTH’S POPULATION

1800:  1 Billion

1930:   2 Billion

1960:   3 Billion

1974:   4 Billion

1987:   5 Billion

1999:   6 Billion

2012:   7 Billion

11:47 a.m. 12/22/17:   7,590,879,794

2050:   10 Billion projected

http://www.worldometers.info/world-population/

If you are preparing for the zombie apocalypse you have a long wait; because regardless of what Christians chose to believe, zombies do not exist and never have.

Logic Argumentum ad Ignorantiam – something is so because it has not been proven it is not so… and the reverse.

All politics is local.   All education is local.

A single sperm has 37.5 megabits of DNA information.   A normal ejaculation transfers about 1,587 gigabits in about three seconds; and you thought 4G was fast.

Unknown – but I read it somewhere

Homo Sapiens have expanded to 7 billion and we threaten every other species on earth.    Marcus Chown

There is someone in my head and it’s not me.   Pink Floyd

Sex is a bad thing because it rumples the clothes.  Jackie Kennedy

For we live to know is known

And all we seek to keep is flown

Let life than as the day flower fall

Tamerlane - Poe

There are surely other worlds than this – other thoughts than the thoughts of the multitude.   Edgar Allen Poe

We are just an advanced breed of monkey on a minor planet of a very average star.   Stephen Hawking

DID I RUN and AM I TIRED?

the Ol’Buzzard

TURTLES ALL THE WAY DOWN

I never bring up the subject of religion with people (except expressing my views on the Buzzard blog.)   But I was in a waiting room the other day and reading Salman Rushdie’s new book Two Years, Eight Months and Twenty-Eight Nights – which has nothing to do with religion.  A man near me said he had tried to read Rushdie’s Satanic Verses but couldn’t get through it because the Muslim religion doesn’t make sense.

 I should have let it go, but I couldn’t help myself.    I told him all religious beliefs are a matter of geography.    If he had been born in Saudi Arabia he would be a Muslim, if he had been born in Tibet he would be a Buddhist, if he had been born in China he would probably be Taoist.

Here he was; a chance to confound a non-believer.   He asked me where I thought the universe came from.  I told him that theoretical Physicist propose that the universe began with the Big Bang.  

Aaa-ha, now he has me.  His got-ya question was; what was before the Big Bang?   Someone had to initiate the Big Bang, so it must be God. 

I know you shouldn’t talk religion with these people, and if my wife had been there she would have given me an elbow and shut me up, but I was already on his hook – so I replied:

It is well accepted by the scientific community that the universe began when the celestial turtle farted – what we call The Big Bang.  Each time the turtle farts he creates a new universe.   According to String Theory there are at least eleven parallel universes attributed to our turtle; but there are probably countless celestial turtles creating unlimited universes.   One of these turtles is what you have just described as God.

His answer was; we can agree to disagree (no we can’t, but I let it go at that.)

the Ol’Buzzard

ANOTHER ALT-RIGHT GROUP

Some few thoughts to ponder before you attend church.

RE-POST BUT PERTINENT

It is understandable if a person wants to identify themself by their belief in a religion, a church, a political party, an ethnicity…; but it absolutely makes no sense that you would feel the need to identify yourself by what you do not believe.

I do not believe in vampires, werewolves, zombies, big foot, fairies, alien autopsies, ghost or things that go bump in the night.

I do not believe that the world is flat or that the sun rotes around the earth.

I do not believe that dinosaurs and humans existed at the same time

I do not believe that a snake whispered to a woman who ate an apple which brought sin into the world.

I do not believe that a six-hundred-year-old man and his hundred-year-old sons built a boat and sailed on a flood that mixed the world’s salt water and fresh water, carrying two of every animal on earth, and that upon landing a kangaroo hopped twelve thousand miles across three continents to go home to Australia.

I do not believe that a child was born to a virgin.

I do not believe in devils and demons and angles and gods, or in a physical heaven or hell.

I do not believe a man god walked on water, or that a brutal human sacrifice was performed to ‘take away the sins of the world.’

The name Atheist is a religious term that supposes the legitimizing of religious beliefs and proposes to delegitimize anyone that doesn’t accept the fairy tale. 

If you feel the need to attach a name to me to identify what I don’t believe, you might just call me sane – I can live with that.

the Ol’Buzzard

MORE RUSHDIE

"Reason, logic and science make gods unnecessary."

the Ol'Buzzard

A THOUSAND AND ONE NIGHTS

I am reading my way through Salman Rushdie’s new book, Two Years, Eight Months and Twenty-eight Nights  (a thousand and one nights.)   I don’t know if I will finish the book; his books usually tell Eastern metaphysical stories that I find difficult to follow – and sometimes my interest in the outcome fades; but his thoughts, his sentence structure, his jewels of complex reason keep me coming back.  

A sentence in this his new book crept into my mind like a song or melody you just can’t get rid of. 

“We are all stories within stories.”

A parallel universe of stories.

There is a story of me; a story of my family, a story of my birth family, a story of my family tree, a story of my race, nation, my place in the world, the cosmos, and all possible branches from each of those possibilities – and in each story I take a lesser and lesser roll until I am minuscule.

We are each a story within a story; but the only story that matters to our egocentric id is the personal story of ourselves – because beyond that we matter less and less, until we find ourselves totally unimportant. 

the Ol'Buzzard

BILL MAHER WITH SALMAN RUSHDIE JE SUIS CHARLIE

WORTH A VIEWING
the Ol'Buzzard

ON BEING LEFT HANDED

I am not left handed, but my wife is.  There is a distinct difference in the way we perceive things, the way we manipulate objects and even the way we interact with the world around us. 

The world is right handed, and I often feel sorry that my wife has to move through a society that is unsympathetic and alien to her natural inclinations. 

I could make a list; but it is better expressed by Salman Rushdie in Luka and the Fire of Life.

Door knobs turn the wrong way.   Screws insist on being turned clockwise, guitars were strung upside down, and the scripts in which most languages were written ran awkwardly from left to right…  Potter wheels wheeled perversely, dervishes would have whirled better if they whirled in the opposite direction, and how much finer and more sensible the whole world would be, Luka thought, if the sun rose in the west and set in the east.

Seeing things in reverse to accepted norms is a special gift that results in innovation.   Some of our most brilliant people, and I include my wife, were and are left handed.

the Ol’Buzzard