A BUZZARD EGG OMELET 2017

Why do we need a C in our alphabet?   You could easily replace it with a K and 90% of the words would sound the same.   For the few words where K won’t fit an S would work just fine.

And let’s drop the requirement for U to follow Q … qeen, qack, qake, qeer.  It would make Scrabble easier. 

Nobody ever lost money underestimating the intelligence of the American public.       P. T. Barnum

A child understands nothing, and clings to faith because it lacks knowledge.    Salman Rushdie 

I didn’t wash today.   I wasn’t dirty.  If I’m not dirty I don’t wash.   Some weeks I don’t have to shower at all.   I just groom my three basic areas: teeth, hair and ass hole.   To save time I use the same brush.

George Carlin

I would enjoy living in a sane asylum.

Hanlon’s Razor:  Never attribute to malice what can be adequately explained by stupidity.  

If all civilian ammo clips were limited to nine rounds the Orlando night club shooter would have had to reload 23 times.

A Texas sharp shooter:  You shoot a hole in the barn door and then draw a target around it.

You can never wade in the same river twice.

It is not that I am obstinate; but if I were to drown my wife would first search for me up stream.

If militia nuts want to carry and play army with assault weapons they should join the Marines and actually defend the Constitution of the United States - but most wouldn't make the intelligence cut.   

Why do vampire hunters always arrive at the crypt just as the sun is setting?

Americans are at the bottom of competency test in math and science when compared to other industrialized countries, which accounts for their willingness to buy into the most outrageous fallacious claims. 

Philip Ward 

EARTH’S POPULATION

1800:  1 Billion

1930:   2 Billion

1960:   3 Billion

1974:   4 Billion

1987:   5 Billion

1999:   6 Billion

2012:   7 Billion

11:47 a.m. 12/22/17:   7,590,879,794

2050:   10 Billion projected

http://www.worldometers.info/world-population/

If you are preparing for the zombie apocalypse you have a long wait; because regardless of what Christians chose to believe, zombies do not exist and never have.

Logic Argumentum ad Ignorantiam – something is so because it has not been proven it is not so… and the reverse.

All politics is local.   All education is local.

A single sperm has 37.5 megabits of DNA information.   A normal ejaculation transfers about 1,587 gigabits in about three seconds; and you thought 4G was fast.

Unknown – but I read it somewhere

Homo Sapiens have expanded to 7 billion and we threaten every other species on earth.    Marcus Chown

There is someone in my head and it’s not me.   Pink Floyd

Sex is a bad thing because it rumples the clothes.  Jackie Kennedy

For we live to know is known

And all we seek to keep is flown

Let life than as the day flower fall

Tamerlane - Poe

There are surely other worlds than this – other thoughts than the thoughts of the multitude.   Edgar Allen Poe

We are just an advanced breed of monkey on a minor planet of a very average star.   Stephen Hawking

DID I RUN and AM I TIRED?

the Ol’Buzzard

A BUZZARD EGG OMELET #26

My wife and I play SCRABBLE almost every day with lunch.  I am not a great speller, so she usually wins.   As I lay out my words I am constantly reminded how fucked up our written language is.   I feel that language in most cases is to communicate and as long as the central idea is transmitted all the petty mechanics are like thorns on a rosebush: unnecessary. 

For instance, I would drop the requirement for a U following a Q: Qeen – Qack – Qake – Qeer all seem to work fine.

And the letter C bugs me.  Why the hell do we need a C in our alphabet?  You could easily replace it with a K on 90% of the words and it would sound the same - and K is a prettier letter.   On the few words where C doesn't sound right an S would work fine. 

Once you start playing SCRABBLE regularly you can see the possibility of cutting down our alphabet from 25 to perhaps 16 or 18 letters.

When I taught creative writing to my students in Alaska I never corrected their spelling.  I wanted them to write – to get their ideas down on paper – to enjoy telling a story – to write write write, and not be inhibited by the fear of being criticized for their misspellings.   The final edit is what spell checkers are for.  

The Ol’Buzzard