I gave up religion soon after
graduating from high school. It always
bugs me when I am called an atheist, because I don’t believe I need a name to
define me by what I don’t believe.
I don’t believe in big foot,
zombies, vampires, fairies or gnomes and I don’t need a special title to
proclaim me a sensible person. Likewise, I don’t need a title to identify that I don’t believe in a magical man living
in some fantasy realm that controls everything that happens here on earth.
But lately I have changed my
mind…I believe that there may be a deity: a GODDESS, and that all the women on
earth are witches and have a special hidden connection with the GREAT MOTHER.
The goal of the GODDESS is obviously
to make all men appear foolish and thereby, in our own minds, covertly
subservient to the female of the species.
SHE is able to accomplish this
because HER witches, that inhabit our lives, have special imps and mini-demons
they can set upon us when we become to arrogant.
To begin with, HER females have
bodies that can enchant us with an illusion of sexual gratification that
instantly turns us males into drooling automatons, and they are able to finesse
this power in a way that always keeps us distracted when ever we are in their
presence.
SHE has given HER witches,
for their pleasure and entertainment, imps and mini-demons they can use to
bedevil us males.
I was recently doing
carpentry work, and measure a board for cutting – then measuring it twice for
accuracy. When I cut the board and laid it in place I found to my astonishment that it was ½ inch too short. I slammed down the board and let out a string
of cuss words. Now, I hadn’t seen my wife
all morning but when I looked up she was watching me from the window. She
shook her head and said, ‘You should measure twice before you cut. Then she disappeared… ZAP!
There was the time we were in
my truck and I hear an unusual rattling noise.
I ask my wife if she heard it. She
looks at me incredulously and said she couldn’t hear anything.’ Eventually the rattle drove me nuts and I took
the truck to my mechanic. The mechanic
drove the truck and there is no rattle.
I drove out of the shop and the rattle was instantly back. I turned around and went back to the shop but
again the mechanic couldn’t hear the noise.
When I got home my wife looks at me with attentive eyes while her cat
weaves between her feet, and she asked what the mechanic found. I told her they couldn’t find the noise. She shook her head and walked away leaving
the cat staring at me with big blue eyes before following her – and I swear the
cat was shaking her head…SHAZAM!
These and a thousand other
instances that have left me standing in her presence with egg on my face have
me almost convinced. It has happened
too often to be just my stupidity. It happens
too often to other males to be our collective stupidity. There has to be some divine intervention,
some GODDESS that can leave us males groveling for our self respect in front of
our women (witches.)
the Ol’Buzzard
