For about
the last three months I am averaging five hours sleep a night. When I can I nap in the afternoon. I get up to pee about three-thirty or four
and find I am wide awake. I try to control
my breaths, empty my mind, relax; but I am fucking awake.
Some say you
need less sleep as you grow old, but after a while the lack of sleep saps your
energy. Maybe it is just the winter.
Without a
future to look forward to I find much of my thoughts are of the past. Perhaps it is because I am trying to control
what time I have left that I realize I was never in control in the past, but
simply reacted to choices, and any difference choice, anywhere along the line,
would have totally altered who and where I am today (the butterfly effect.)
I am not
complaining. The last thirty-eight years
with my wife have been the best times of my life. It
has been chaos; but if it were true that your life passes in front of you when
you die, mine would have to be a double feature: some good, some bad, but
always an adventure.
Fuck
it.
the Ol’Buzzard
How many careers have you had? Find something you want to to do & start again... Maybe you just need a future to look towards?
ReplyDeleteSometimes I don't have enough sleep hormones (melatonin?) to get me through an entire night either. Afternoon naps are good.
ReplyDeleteSleep is slowly coming back my way again. Last night I slept almost 9 hours. No! Really! It surprised the hell out of me. I have noticed an increase in sleep since Tuesday. I think it's the new pills I'm taking. They have cut down the pain without taking opiates. I think I found the perfect doctor. Even though he spends 2 to 3 minutes he is listening and is helping me.
ReplyDelete