WHO WANTS TO BE A MILLIONAIRE

DAMN THAT HURTS!

This morning I smashed my toes into the base of my Total Gym and they hurt like hell.

I missed my chance of being an entrepreneur millionaire.  

Back in the early 1960 I was on a flight crew that flew into Greece.    Many of the flight crew members bought worry beads to hang on their flight jackets. 

When we returned home to Maine it was hunting season and while out hunting I came across a pile of moose poop.   Realizing they were about the same size as worry beads I scooped up a pocket full, later dipped them in acrylic and made a set of moose turd worry beads for my flight jacket.  I also made a set of moose turd earrings for a young woman I knew (I have always had class.)  

Ten years later, I happened to be in L.L. Beans and found they were selling moose pearl swizzle sticks and other moose turd items.  Now they are sold everywhere.

I had missed my chance at fame and fortune.

Now I have another brilliant idea for a product; but being in my seventies and having not kept up with electronic innovations I will offer the idea for free to any young entrepreneur that is looking to make their first million.

Background:

My wife and I live in a small cabin.   I am a good size man: six feet, topping two-hundred pounds and wear size 14 shoes ( I have big feet.)    As we have carpeting my wife doesn’t like me coming into the house wearing my boots or street shoes, so I usually walk around in my sock feet.   This means that I inevitably end up smashing my poor toes into furniture, steps, walls or the hearth of the wood stove.  

So here is my suggestion:

Make a pair of socks with the toe made of light sensitive material. 

A small chip can be added that can make the light sensitive sock perform like the motion light at your front door.

When the toe of the sock moves within 500 centimeters toward an obstruction the chip can activate a toe airbag the same way the airbags work in our cars.

As I am not able to develop this remarkable million-dollar opportunity I encourage some young entrepreneur to patent this idea and run with it.  

However, if you would have me as a loyal customer – you had best hurry.

You’re welcome

the Ol’Buzzard

ENTREPRENEURSHIP

Maine’s incumbent governor ‘Pepe’ LaPage was just sworn in for his second term: meaning that I must be seriously out of step with other residents of the state.

LePage programs are aimed at cutting welfare, opposing a raise in the minimum wage, refusing Medicaid reimbursement money, cutting money from schools and colleges, and of course cutting taxes.

Like the rest of the Republican Party he gives lip service to encouraging entrepreneurship.

I have always had the vision of an entrepreneur, but never the motivation to jump through the hoops to complete and market a product. 

In the mid 1960’s I flew into Turkey with a Navy flight crew.   All the flight crews were buying worry beads to hang on their flight suites. 

When I returned to Maine I made worry beads from moose turds for my crew (dipping them in acrylics) and a pair of moose turd ear rings for my girlfriend.   About a year and a half later I found L.L. Beans selling moose turd swizzle sticks and jewelry at their outlet store.  

Another idea I had was to produce a home security package consisting of a large sign: WARNING, Do not enter, Attack Dogs Being Trained; and a bag of large dog turds from Mastiffs or Irish Wolf Hounds coated in acrylic, to be prominently displayed around the yard. 

It seems like most of my commercial ideas incorporate preserving turds of some type.   Maybe that speaks to the way of my character.

  

 Then there is the air bag motorcycle vest that inflates with helium instead of compressed air so you float away from the accident.

 Precisely measured bungee cords that allow people to jump out of high-rise apartment and office buildings in case of fire or emergency - or to avoid their boss, in-laws or x-significant-other.     

Blowup fantasy sex dolls, marketed to men who roll play armed militia - for their ‘bug-out shelter.’   The doll would be dressed in removable camouflage underwear, would have a pull string like the Chatty Cathy dolls and would say, “Ooo you are so manly,   You make me feel sooo safe,   Take me, Take me!    The dolls would be produced male or female, though I have a feeling the male doll would be the biggest seller.      

Virtual reality glasses that transforms your sex partner into any movie star or famous person that turns you on.  If your partner is never enthusiastic perhaps he or she need the glasses.   And if you feel really kinky, can you imagine having sex with either Einstein or Mother Teresa?    

   

Muslim Terrorist Prevention Emergency Kit:  a small zipper bag to be kept in your desk at work or on your person when traveling.  

The bag would contain a turban, a prayer shawl with the Arabic symbols for Allahu Akbar (God is Great) and a compass that points toward Mecca.   Don the disguise and drop to your knees in mock prayer during a terrorist attack and you may be spared – if not pull the cord on your motorcycle air bag and float away while throwing dog turds dipped in acrylic at the terrorist.

Perhaps it is just as well that I stuck to traditional occupation employment.

the Ol’Buzzard