Friday, January 9, 2015


Maine’s incumbent governor ‘Pepe’ LaPage was just sworn in for his second term: meaning that I must be seriously out of step with other residents of the state.

LePage programs are aimed at cutting welfare, opposing a raise in the minimum wage, refusing Medicaid reimbursement money, cutting money from schools and colleges, and of course cutting taxes.

Like the rest of the Republican Party he gives lip service to encouraging entrepreneurship.

I have always had the vision of an entrepreneur, but never the motivation to jump through the hoops to complete and market a product. 

In the mid 1960’s I flew into Turkey with a Navy flight crew.   All the flight crews were buying worry beads to hang on their flight suites. 

When I returned to Maine I made worry beads from moose turds for my crew (dipping them in acrylics) and a pair of moose turd ear rings for my girlfriend.   About a year and a half later I found L.L. Beans selling moose turd swizzle sticks and jewelry at their outlet store.  

Another idea I had was to produce a home security package consisting of a large sign: WARNING, Do not enter, Attack Dogs Being Trained; and a bag of large dog turds from Mastiffs or Irish Wolf Hounds coated in acrylic, to be prominently displayed around the yard. 

It seems like most of my commercial ideas incorporate preserving turds of some type.   Maybe that speaks to the way of my character.
 Then there is the air bag motorcycle vest that inflates with helium instead of compressed air so you float away from the accident.

 Precisely measured bungee cords that allow people to jump out of high-rise apartment and office buildings in case of fire or emergency - or to avoid their boss, in-laws or x-significant-other.     

Blowup fantasy sex dolls, marketed to men who roll play armed militia - for their ‘bug-out shelter.’   The doll would be dressed in removable camouflage underwear, would have a pull string like the Chatty Cathy dolls and would say, “Ooo you are so manly,   You make me feel sooo safe,   Take me, Take me!    The dolls would be produced male or female, though I have a feeling the male doll would be the biggest seller.      

Virtual reality glasses that transforms your sex partner into any movie star or famous person that turns you on.  If your partner is never enthusiastic perhaps he or she need the glasses.   And if you feel really kinky, can you imagine having sex with either Einstein or Mother Teresa?    


Muslim Terrorist Prevention Emergency Kit:  a small zipper bag to be kept in your desk at work or on your person when traveling.  

The bag would contain a turban, a prayer shawl with the Arabic symbols for Allahu Akbar (God is Great) and a compass that points toward Mecca.   Don the disguise and drop to your knees in mock prayer during a terrorist attack and you may be spared – if not pull the cord on your motorcycle air bag and float away while throwing dog turds dipped in acrylic at the terrorist.

Perhaps it is just as well that I stuck to traditional occupation employment.

the Ol’Buzzard


  1. I'm surprised you're not a millionaire!

    1. You are welcome to any of my ideas. I've got a million of them.

  2. It seems like most of my commercial ideas incorporate preserving turds of some type. Maybe that speaks to the way of my character.
    Maybe you've figured out the average consumer isn't too bright and will buy any kind of shit if it's marketed right.

    I'm sad to see you using Pepe Le Pew as an avatar for your governor. Pepe Le Pew is likeable, near-sighted and amorous, but likeable none-the-less. Is your governor amorous???

  3. You had a whole shit load of good ideas.


COMMENT: Ben Franklin said, "I imagine a man must have a good deal of vanity who believes, and a good deal of boldness who affirms, that all doctrines he holds are true, and all he rejects are false."