QUESTIONS

 QUESTION: What is the sound of one hand clapping?

ANSWER:  I farted in an elevator full of people and no one heard. 

This was posted by Debra SheWho Seeks.    I have purloined it and offer it to you: first with her answers and next with mine. 

1. If there is one candy left in the box, do you have to eat it or can you leave it sitting there all alone for the next few weeks?

I would not only eat the candy immediately, I would eat the box as well.

2. What do you want to remember most of all, if you survive to be very old?

Not to go out in public without any clothes on.

3. Would you enjoy being a very rich and famous celebrity?

Do you mean this blog hasn't made me one already? WTF!

4. What piece of music do you personally find most emotionally moving?

"Always Look on the Bright Side of Life" from Monty Python's Life of Brian.

5. How do you deal with anxiety, depression and bad times?

Funny movies and TV shows. Also LOLcats.

6. What do you love doing that bores everyone else stiff?

So long as it's not this blog, I'm fine.

7. Did you ever encounter an inanimate object that seemed to have a will of its own?

You mean apart from my ex, Big Bad Butch?

8. What is your very favourite hotel or restaurant?

One where someone else picks up the tab.

9. What do you wish you had known when you were 18?

If I'd known then what I know now, I'd never have done or achieved anything in my life because I'd have been defeated before I started, simply by knowing how difficult it would be. Everything I am today I owe to the fact that ignorance is bliss.

MY ANSWERS:

1. If there is one candy left in the box, do you have to eat it or can you leave it sitting there all alone for the next few weeks?

It would be a crime to let candy go stale: I would eat it.  

2. What do you want to remember most of all, if you survive to be very old?

Old people do not have a future so they have to live in their memories.   I would hope all my memories would remain sharp.  If it were true that your life passes in front of your face when you die – mine would have to be a double feature.

3. Would you enjoy being a very rich and famous celebrity?

Famous – NO.   Rich – You bet your sweet ass.

4. What piece of music do you personally find most emotionally moving?

Bob Seger and the Silver Bullet Band: In the Wind.

5. How do you deal with anxiety, depression and bad times?

Meditation helps – also whiskey.

6. What do you love doing that bores everyone else stiff?

Watching old Sci-Fi movies...the fifties were the best.

7. Did you ever encounter an inanimate object that seemed to have a will of its own?

Yes: a Ford F-350 truck…I couldn’t keep the damn thing fixed.  Take care of one problem and another cropped up.

8. What is your very favourite hotel or restaurant?

Favorite hotel is The Empress Hotel in Victoria B.C. – Canada.   Favorite Restaurant is The Stanley House in Kingfield, Maine – open only six months a year in the house of the man who invented the Stanley Steamer Automobile – Next door is a great bed and breakfast.

9. What do you wish you had known when you were 18?

That girls wanted to have sex as much as I did.

the Ol’Buzzard