PERHAPS MORE THAN YOU WANT TO
KNOW
When I was in the Navy I use
to say that you knew the day was shitty if the best thing that has happened to you
was the crap you had that morning.
Now that I am older and wiser
and don’t tend to rush through my days, and as a result I have come to
appreciate a good crap. This morning
ritual now takes on the closest thing that I have to a religious experience:
Zen meditation - a melding of mind, body and spirit with the natural world.
My wife knows that I am available
23 hours and fifty-five minutes out of every day to do her bidding. But, when I am on the throne I do not want
to hear about the latest happenings or problems, the news of the day, or take
someone’s message on the telephone. I
don’t even want to hear the cat yowling or scratching at the door: Sanctum
Sanctorum.
After great meditation on the
subject I have come to understand that all craps are not alike – each has its
own personification. So, in the spirit
of understanding I have named them:
·
ROMNEY: Soft and squishy – no form
·
BOEHNER: Like passing a pine cone – makes you cry
·
BACHMANN: Diarrhea
·
RYAN: After a lot
of grunting and straining you have to lie about the small results.
·
MC CONNELL: Constipation
·
BUSH CHENEY: A huge smelly turd
·
ANN COULTER: A gas attack
·
DONALD
TRUMP: A routine evacuation
I hope that in the spirit of
sharing you will come to appreciate the thought and study I have focused on
this subject. With renewed
concentration you too may learn to live
in the moment of the porcelain bowl and find that basic connection with all
humans past, present and future.
Namaste
the Ol'Buzzard
When I only spent 5 minutes on the reading stool in the library it's a case of "No Shit"!! Or should I say "McConnell"?? No sense forcing it, it'll all come out OK in the end.
ReplyDeleteGosh, I can't wait for my next cosmic moment of the porcelain bowl to see who I get. I always like to get a new twist on life's finer moments. LOL
ReplyDeleteNine out of ten constipated people don't give a shit. The tenth, a mathematician, worked it out with a pencil.
ReplyDeleteyou make me laugh
ReplyDeleteJust yesterday I was thinking I would love to write about the fabulousity of a good crap but here you've beaten me to it.
ReplyDeleteI do believe I'm obsessed with crappage - maybe it's because I have Crohn's disease and some day it will likely be the end of me – but we spend so much time either doing it or thinking about doing it and not talking about it ... it all seems so silly, doesn't it?
Anyway, you made me smile. So thanks!