THE MYSTERIOUS MIND OF WOMEN.

Let me preface this by saying that I love my wife.   But even after thirty-five years I am still at a loss to the mysterious workings of her female mind.  

I have a big comfortable chair that I sit in to read.   Behind that chair is a large, three bulb, bright pole lamp – I prefer a bright light when I am reading.    

My wife likes to read on the couch, and she has a much more attractive pole lamp she reads by: this lamp is not as bright which is her preference.

My light is old and has needed rewiring since I bought it used fifteen years ago.    I finally decided to take the lamp up to my possible room – man cave – den, writing room, junk room…   and take it apart to rewire.  In the meantime I brought down the pole lamp that I use next to my computer and desk.   

My wife doesn't like this light - it’s ugly – and it is too bright; but I like a bright light and I don’t mind the switch.  

When I get the light downstairs my wife absolutely insist that I place it beside the couch for her to use and move her light over by my chair.   

I complain loud and long that her light is not bright enough for my liking; but the dye is cast, and even though I constantly grumble and complain I have to read by the damn dull light.   Meanwhile the light that I brought downstairs – the one she can’t stand – is placed by the couch and she has to aim it toward the bookcase because she says it is too bright????

I have to admit that I don’t understand this mysterious female logic; but after two week of reading misery I finally got hot and rewired the old pole light, brought it downstairs and placed it by my chair and moved her light back by the couch.    She is perfectly satisfied with this arrangement. 

I have pondered and pondered her female thought process in this matter and am at a loss.   It couldn't possibly be that this whole light-switching was to motivate me to get the old lamp rewired, could it?    Are women that wily?

I feel like I have been played.

the Ol’Buzzard

MEN’S MENTAL BOXES AND WOMEN’S MULTIVERSE

There has always been a dialogue about the difference between men and women (Women are from Venus, men are from Mars – or Uranus if you prefer.)  

   

The politically correct answer is that there is no difference in boys and girls.   Only that boys and girls are nurtured differently.   

But anybody who has ever worked with kindergarten children knows that is bullshit.   For the most part, men’s and women’s brains are wired differently from the very beginning.

  

Men compartmentalize their brains – we are good at doing one thing at a time.   Women tend to multitask.

 

My wife will tell me to carry the garbage out, and she will add ‘while you are at it, take out the recyclable bottles and put a new trash bag in the garbage can.'     (I have to be told each step because I can’t see the connections.)

  

I will say ‘OK.’  And then I will take out the garbage, then I will come back in and take out the recyclable bottles, then I will come back in and put a new bag in the garbage can. 

This drives her nutz.   Why don’t I just juggle it all at once like she said and save the trips – and while I am at it clean out the mud room?

  

Because I am not wired that way.

Our bathroom is directly off our living room.     She will begin vacuuming in the living room and then stop and clean out the sink in the bathroom, clean the toilet, replace the toilet paper, refold the towels – then continue vacuuming, but stop and dust the bookshelves and the TV… and two hours later she is frustrated because she still hasn't finished vacuuming.   She cannot do one thing at a time because her brain constantly multitask – that is the way she is wired.

 

Now if I am vacuuming and the sink is dirty; that sink is going to stay dirty until I finish vacuuming and then I will clean it – if I remember it.

Anyone that is married knows there are many differences in men and women:

that is why women can relate to other women… and men can relate to men – but men and women can’t relate – only understand. 

The Ol’Buzzard

MY EMPTY BOX

This morning I was watching TV with my wife and the commercials came on so I went to my empty box.    I was interrupted when my wife broke in and said, ‘I see you are staring at the girl on the Viagra commercial.’   (As a matter of fact, I don’t need Viagra: my wife is plenty sexy and is my Viagra.) 

 I said, ‘huh?  No I’m not.’

I was facing the TV, but I was in my empty box!    She doesn't understand my nothing box.

  the Ol'Buzzard