Old women
can complain about things; but it doesn’t come off the same way as old men
grumbling. When we grumble we are
looked at differently: advancing senility
– crotchety old bastard – old man yells at clouds…..
My wife and
I went shopping yesterday and she complained that I kept bitching under my
breath.
So here it
is: am I wrong?
1. We were food shopping in Walmart and
two women were in with dogs: one with a boxer on a leash and another carrying
this little harry bastard in her arms.
The dogs took one look at each other and went bat shit. Why the hell would anyone carry a dog into a
shopping center – especially one with food?
Are they looking for attention?
For every person that comes up and says ‘what a cute dog,’ there are
twenty that are looking and thinking ‘what an asshole, dogs don’t belong in
here.’ Don’t even get me started about
dogs in restaurants.
2. Women are absolutely unconscious when
they are shopping. They park their carts
in the middle of the isle and then stand in front of a display and meditate
while people are lined up on both sides waiting to get by – they seem totally
unconscious that there are other people around them. Either that, are they run into friends and
stand at an intersection talking and unconsciously blocking traffic from every
isle.
3. Huge women driving motorized shopping
carts are damn right dangerous. They
come down a narrow isle with the attitude of ‘get out of my way, can’t you see me
coming?’
4. This seems to be a rave against
women; but in actual facts men don’t do these things. However, I get really confrontational when I
see a man packing a pistol in a public place.
I would walk up to him and offer to protect him until he gets back to
his car, just in case the Walmart greeter or one of the women cashiers try to
attack him – but I know I have to go home with my wife and would catch hell.
5. Then when we checked out the young
cashier puts my bag of Fritos (the other food group) in the shopping bag full
of can goods.
I figure once
a man has moved into his seventies and beyond he doesn’t owe anybody an apology
for ole-man-bitching. It is one of our
last pleasures.
the Ol’Buzzard
