AN ATHEIST SEES THE LIGHT

I gave up religion soon after graduating from high school.   It always bugs me when I am called an atheist, because I don’t believe I need a name to define me by what I don’t believe.  

I don’t believe in big foot, zombies, vampires, fairies or gnomes and I don’t need a special title to proclaim me a sensible person.   Likewise, I don’t need a title to identify that I don’t believe in a magical man living in some fantasy realm that controls everything that happens here on earth. 

But lately I have changed my mind…I believe that there may be a deity: a GODDESS, and that all the women on earth are witches and have a special hidden connection with the GREAT MOTHER. 

The goal of the GODDESS is obviously to make all men appear foolish and thereby, in our own minds, covertly subservient to the female of the species.   SHE is able to accomplish this because HER witches, that inhabit our lives, have special imps and mini-demons they can set upon us when we become to arrogant. 

   

To begin with, HER females have bodies that can enchant us with an illusion of sexual gratification that instantly turns us males into drooling automatons, and they are able to finesse this power in a way that always keeps us distracted when ever we are in their presence.  

SHE has given HER witches, for their pleasure and entertainment, imps and mini-demons they can use to bedevil us males.

I was recently doing carpentry work, and measure a board for cutting – then measuring it twice for accuracy.    When I cut the board and laid it in place I found to my astonishment that it was ½ inch too short.  I slammed down the board and let out a string of cuss words.  Now, I hadn’t seen my wife all morning but when I looked up she was watching me from the window.   She shook her head and said, ‘You should measure twice before you cut.   Then she  disappeared…  ZAP!

There was the time we were in my truck and I hear an unusual rattling noise.  I ask my wife if she heard it.  She looks at me incredulously and said she couldn’t hear anything.’   Eventually the rattle drove me nuts and I took the truck to my mechanic.   The mechanic drove the truck and there is no rattle.   I drove out of the shop and the rattle was instantly back.  I turned around and went back to the shop but again the mechanic couldn’t hear the noise.   

When I got home my wife looks at me with attentive eyes while her cat weaves between her feet, and she asked what the mechanic found.   I told her they couldn’t find the noise.  She shook her head and walked away leaving the cat staring at me with big blue eyes before following her – and I swear the cat was shaking her head…SHAZAM!

These and a thousand other instances that have left me standing in her presence with egg on my face have me almost convinced.   It has happened too often to be just my stupidity.   It happens too often to other males to be our collective stupidity.  There has to be some divine intervention, some GODDESS that can leave us males groveling for our self respect in front of our women (witches.)

the Ol’Buzzard